I hate exercise, and I know that "hate" is a strong word. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will never be one of those people that enjoys moving. I'm not lazy; I just really hate physical fitness. I've heard for years that I just need to find an exercise that I enjoy. Well, I'm telling you that no such activity exists, and I've tried them all: Tae Bo, walking, swimming, water aerobics, elliptical, treadmill, Carmen Electra's dance videos, stationary bike, Wii Fit, the worthless rubber bands, racquetball, tennis, Richard Simmons, 6 Week Body Makeover, Body for Life, etc. I despise them all.
In fact, my college roomie and I were once playing Taboo. The clue she gave was "What we don't do." I respond "Exercise!" My answer was correct.
Anyhoo--for you people like me, I suggest the following routine. These exercises don't actually produce results, but they make you sore. Sore muscles make me feel like I have done something healthy.
*Assuming your office is carpeted, remove the plastic mat underneath your wheely-chair. You never realize how much you depend on that plastic mat for smooth wheeling until it is gone and you have to exert some effort. Muscles worked: calves and thighs for "pushing off" and ab muscles when scooting back up to the desk.
*Eat an apple. I consider this exercise because it takes more calories to eat and digest an apple than the apple has in it. True story. Eating 1 apple produces negative calories. Muscles worked: Jaw.
*Go to Wal-Mart without makeup. As you see people you know, I guarantee you will duck in clothes racks, sprint around corners, and climb shelves in order to avoid being seen. Muscles worked: calves, thighs, abs, biceps, triceps, trapezius, latissimus dorsi. (Didn't think I knew those muscles did ya?)
*Go to a bouncy-house place with a 2 year old. I took my son on Monday to the Bouncy Barn here in Tulsa. I didn't do anything overly-physical (because, like I said, I avoid moving). I slid down the Elmo slide several times, lifted my son out of the ball pit several times, bounced once or twice, and rode a blow-up horse for approximately 3 seconds. But here it is 3 days later and I still feel like I was hit by a truck. Muscles worked: EVERY MUSCLE, trust me.
Until tomorrow.
~Heather
If you are not completely exhausted by the end of my intense program, feel free to add the 4 minute workout in the video below.
7 comments:
Yesssss. Taboo.
I need to take a...
:) I didn't think about Bouncy Barn could be the reason my back hurt a bit on Monday! Thanks for pointing that out.
Re: Rachel. "HIKE!"
Re: Diane :). My pleasure. Glad to hear I'm not alone.
I knew we were friends for a reason! May I also suggest wearing stiletto heels to work - great for the calves!
Yay another Boston owner and fellow Tulsan! Thank you for the puppy compliments, He's pretty perfect in my opinion. (I'm completely unbiased of course. ;) How old is your Boston?
hahaha, but I thought you and that eliptical were best friends before Jillian came along.
SS (may I call you Heather?): I have always hated the elliptical and getting pregnant was the only way I could think of to get out of having to exercise every day.
R: I was going to mention the heel-workout, but since I mentioned my heels yesterday, I left it out.
J.L.: My Boston, Curly, will be 6 years old on November 15. I haven't given him any attention on this site, and all your pictures have put me to shame. I believe I will give him his due credit tomorrow...he ran away today, so I think he needs his attention.
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