The last time we spoke, I was serving as a lunch lady/janitor with the deceptive title of "Substitute Teacher" (see previous post). I gracefully bowed out of that position with the little pride I had remaining and sauntered off to do various other things. This is the perfect opportunity to use "yada, yada, yada." In 2011, I quit my job of serving and cleaning up mashed potatoes, I got a new job, yada yada yada, it's 2017.
My kids who I used to write cutesy little snippets about are now 7 and 9 years old. I'm not sure how that happened. I have come to the realization over the years that people really only like hearing stories about kids to whom they are related, so I'll save those stories for another day. You're not permanently off the hook. I have 6 years worth of stories in my back pocket and they're bursting to get out. I will devote one full post to emails received regarding behavior. There's something to look forward to.
Today's post will be dedicated to things I have learned in the past 3 weeks. Oh, I forgot to mention that in the "yada, yada, yada" the small detail that I quit another job. So, I'm currently unemployed and learning a lot of new miscellaneous things by accident. Most of this information has been obtained utilizing my Google machine.
1. It is physically impossible to sunburn where you have a freckle. Sunscreen application now takes numerous hours, but I don't have to waste lotion on all my spots.
2. This thing growing on my painted pallet is a type of fungus. Though it is a type of 'vomit' fungus, properly named Brilliant Yellow 'Vomit' fungus, people on gardening websites thing it is 'beautiful.' Before I learned what it was, I photographed it so that my husband would know what killed me if it hatched.
3. Grooming a poodle is no laughing matter. Professional groomers (and the pseudo-professionals at Petsmart) should be bringing home 6-figure salaries. It took me 6 hours to bathe, dry, brush, and begin trimming my poodle's hair. I called my husband at work and told him I had an emergency at home. As it turns out, I just needed him to help me hold the dog. 8 hours later, the dog looks like the kid in Kindergarten whose mom cut his hair.
4. My house has an inordinate amount of roly polies. Also, right at this moment, I learned how to spell roly poly. I was under the impression that it was rolly polly, but that didn't look right. Secondly, while Googling the spelling of roly poly, I discovered that roly polies are not bugs. And they're related to shrimp?! Anyway--I sweep roly polies up every day. It's the strangest thing. That's really all I had to say about that.
5. Having free times gives me the false belief that I am athletic. So, I think to myself, "I should start golfing." The next day comes and I think to myself, "I'm going to start jogging." There is no basis for me to think that I would be qualified to even try either of these hobbies. I have a bicycle (step 1), and I sat on it the other day (step 2). The tires were flat. So I guess the idea of being a bicyclist is out the window. Nearly every day we go to the neighborhood pool, and I think to myself, "this is it. This is the day I'm going to swim laps." But then I see the patio chair with my shape of my body molded into it from the previous day, and I can't resist. It wouldn't be fair to the chair.
That's pretty much what I've learned so far during my summer vacation. In case you're still reading this blog and regularly checking for updates after 6 1/2 years, here's what you missed.
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| 2016 |
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| 2014 |
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| 2013 |
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| 2015 |
So until I have something vaguely interesting to share with you or 6 1/2 years passes, whichever comes first, goodbye. Maybe I should come up with a fancy sign-off. I'll be working on that.
~H
2 comments:
I love it! Keep those posts coming... your mind works in humorous ways which entertains me.
Heather, this made my day! Let's play soon!
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